A Gift

A couple has not been getting along for years, so the wife buys her husband a cemetery plot for his birthday.
Well, you can imagine his disappointment. The next year, his birthday rolls around again and this time she doesn’t get him anything.
Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!? he asks angrily....!

Are you kidding me? She replies, You didn’t use what I got you last year!

Car Accident

A woman and her boyfriend are speeding down a country lane after leaving a party. The woman decides she wants to have some fun so she takes off all of her clothes so she can flash other motorists.
Unfortunately, the man gets a little distracted and crashes the car. The naked woman is thrown clear, but the man is trapped in the wreckage.
The only cover she can find is one of her boyfriend’s shoes, so she holds it over her crotch, runs to a nearby garage and shouts: Help my boyfriend is stuck!
 

The mechanic looks at the shoe and says, It looks like you’ll need a doctor, he’s too far in...!

Fortune Telling

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told: You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.
The frog says: This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?
 

No, says the psychic: Next semester, in her biology class.

Flowers

Woman tells her friend that Interflora just delivered a bunch of flowers from her husband.
Now I guess he'll want me to spend the entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air.
 

Why? asks her friend, Don't you have a vase?

Why I Love Her

A guy is sitting in a bar with his friends bitching about going home to his wife.
His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman and he replies...
Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea
So what say the friends, flip her over.
Well, she also has diarrhea the guy says.
Yuck, but what about her mouth. The friends chime in.
Halitosis the man says.

Damn, Why would you stay with her? The friends say.
Well, the guy replies  She also has worms, and you guys know how I like to fish.

Love Story

A Love Story
I shall seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and control you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.
And you will be weak for days.
All my love,

Vitoria Bahia

Fans of the Victory of Bahia does not need to vote in elections.

They have TITLE..!!

Passage to Euribes

The rustic, at the train station, was buying a ticket. 
- has ticket to Euribes?
- How?? - The woman asked.
- Passage to Euribes?!
- Euribes?!?!?!?!
- That's right!
- We have not! - A woman answered.
And the hillbilly walks away angry, pro gets his friend and says: 
- It Euribes the Muie a passage proce want'd not sell!

The Doctor and the Colonel

Conversation between neighbors: 
- Petra, are you sick? I ask because I saw a doctor out of his house this morning. 
- Look! Yesterday morning I saw a colonel out of his house and we're not at war.

Finger in the Navel

Safadinho The little boy asks the girl: 
Can I put my finger on your umbiguinho? 
can ... hey! But that is not my umbiguinho! 

this is not my finger!

Fuck All

Two men drink in a bar:
- Never had sex with my wife before marriage. And you?
- I do not remember ... What's her name?

The Man Who I'd like to Barangas

The guy is the friend at the bar and asks: 
- Listen, man! You like women breast down? 
- I do not! 
- Do you like a woman full of cellulite, paunchy and ... 
- Get over there, man! 
- You like woman who has bad breath and always complaining that life is a shit? 
- Of course not! You're crazy? 
- So why do not you stop singing my wife?

Day in Gossip

Upon being released from prison, the woman turns to her friend with whom she had shared the same cell for twenty years and says: 
- Then I'll call for us to continue that subject..!!

Talk of Day to Day

Three girls are chatting about their day-to-day: 
- When I come home - says the first, a brunette - I throw my shoes in the hallway, if they get close together means that I had a great day. 
- When I come home - says the second, too dark - I throw my hat in the cloakroom, where he stopped is because I had a great day. 
- When he got home - the other says, louríssima - I throw my panties on the ceiling, to stick it's because my day was excellent.

Smart Girl

There are two girls taking a bath, a 9 and another of 15. Lower says:
- My little monkey is already born pelinho!
And the old but retorts:
- My Banana is already eating..!!

Ex Pawn

At the funeral of a pawn of work, a subject unknown to the family, wept copiously. Suddenly the widow approaches him and asks: 
- John was his friend? 
- Friend? John was like a brother to me! He adored me. 
Ex-wife of John hugged the boy, who continued: 
- The last words of John were said to me ... 
- Really? - She asked, curious - And what were those words? 
- George, do not touch the andaimeeeeeeeeee ...

Beyond Recognition

Two friends talking, facinado by a computer and the other not. 
's friend "normal" says 
now-You're weird ... I am not recognizing you?! 
And the other answered: 
-It's because you have not installed my driver!

Friend

In the office, the man whispers to his friend: 
- Jeremiah, you are able to keep a secret? 
- Sure! Friends are for these things! You can talk..!
- Man, do I need to borrow a thousand dollars..!
- You can rest easy! I'll pretend I do not hear..!

Breath Cruel

There once was a citizen with an ounce of breath tremendously horrible. 
once went camping with two friends sleep together and the three in the same tent. His friends, knowing the famous breath, said: 
- If you say something, to nudge the enfiarmos his head under the covers, so we avoid this cruel his breath ... 
He agreed and the three went to sleep. 
One hour of dawn he nudged friends and they hid under the covers. The guy's stinky breath said 
, Peidei!

Officials of the Bank

On a Friday, two hours to bank employees were in the safe when organizing a values ​​by a technical fault they were locked up there and no one noticed their absence. 
they were scared, worried, but soon calmed down and sat down. 
one gets the calculator and do some calculations and tells his friend: 
-I have good news! 
-what? 
-according to my calculations, with the air which is inside and the air we breathe it will last until Monday when they open and out of here! 
and the other says: 
-I have bad news:
-The second is a holiday!