Lottery Windfall

A woman buys a lottery ticket for a dollar. She wins the lottery and goes to the counter to claim her winnings. The man behind the counter verifies the woman's ticket number and she says: I want my $20 million. Where is it?
The man behind the counter replies: No, ma'am. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
The woman says: Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.
Again, the man explains that she would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The woman, furious with the man, screams out:
 

Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 million dollars right now, then I want my dollar back!

Will Power Problem

Lori, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
Doctor, you must help me, she pleaded. It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.
I see, nodded the psychiatrist. And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?
 

For god's sake, no! exclaimed the Nurse. I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward.

Last Wish

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him: Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!
Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!
Irving, that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it too, with the insurance money.
 

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said: "Irving, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes.