Greatest Hitter in World

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat: I'm the greatest hitter in the world, he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
Strike one! he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again: I'm the greatest hitter in the world!
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed.
Strike two! he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.
He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more: I'm the greatest hitter in the world!
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed.
Strike three!
 

Wow! he exclaimed: I'm the greatest pitcher in the world.

. St. Peter Vs Cheerleaders

A high school cheerleading squad were in a bus that shot off a cliff killing all onboard... Don't laugh yet!
When they got to heaven they were met by St. Peter at the gate.
He asked the first girl if she had done anything with any boys, and she said to St. Peter that she had held a boys hand, so St. Peter told her to wash her hands in the holy water before entering heaven.
St. Peter then asked the second girl the same question, and she said she had kissed a boy, so Peter told her to wash her lips in holy water before entering heaven.
Then Peter noticed two farther back in line girls arguing over their position in line.
Peter asked the girls what was going on, and the one girl said to him,
 

I'm not gargling that after she sits in it.

Banana to Flamengo

Three Flamengo arrive in the grocery store and ask for three long bananas, the grocer says:
I can only sell half a dozen,
The Flamengo ask
how many? 
The grocer responds:
Six.

The Flamengo look at each other and says:
All right! We eat the other three!!

Zico and the Brazilian

Two days before the match between Brazil and Japan (the last game of the key of Brazil), Zico (Japan coach of) the heck calls and says:
heck I need a help from you!
through Parreira says sheepishly: 

Can I'll leave that to climb the selection pool for the game! Is this good?
Zico says:
Do not do it not! Climb the selection owner!!

Advantages of the Corinthians

Advantages of Corinthians.
1 When you watch a game do not be sad you can take these as "chairs, stones, sticks, etc ..."
2 You do not need to wake up 7:00 in the morning to see his team play the final of the world's Japan!
3 The uniform colors combine with anything.

4 When you use the shirt Corinthias you have 200% there is less to be robbed.
5 When the team playing badly, there's nothing it's just you get in the middle of the field and take satisfaction with the players.

Fantastic

Two fans are on the street and one asks the other:
Does the sky have football?
He took a little time and they made ​​a deal, whoever died first, he returned to tell the other had or not soccer in heaven.
One day, a died, and how the combined and returned to earth seeking their amigo.Quando found, said:

I bring two good news and some bad, what you wanna hear first?
A boa.Responde alive.
Well, the good is that in heaven does have football, and the bad thing is that you have been summoned for tomorrow's game.

Race

Once upon a time three friends, Japanese, Brazilian and Indian, they WANTED A RACE BET, had to get up the mountain, drove the Japanese, Brazilian and Indian motorcycle was went on foot, and it reached the Indian waited for 2 days. When the others arrived were shocked to see that the Indians had already arrived and asked her:
how did you get here so fast?
and the Indian replied

boot-Indian pepper in the ass!

Smart CD Player

One Day ... the St. Paulinus Bought A Cd To Play Your Car .. plays the cd played any music that he spoke ..
Until one day he hit the car and spoke:
Porcariaaa-Oooo!

Then suddenly began to Play:
Ohh-Tricolorrr

The Goalkeeper

A building was on fire, everyone had left the building, unless a woman who was on the top floor. Downstairs was a keeper, and the woman spoke pro goalie:
Get my baby!
And caught the goalkeeper well!

And the people who were on his side started clapping.
And he was so excited that collected the goal kick!

Job Interview for Atletico Mineiro

Your name?
Andrew Figueira.
Schooling?
Third degree complete!
Let's start with simple questions,
general knowledge, history, geography, science, personalities ...
Who was Stalin ?
A guy who sang snapping his fingers. 
And Lenin?
I played the Beatles.
You do not mean Lennon?
This was paired with Lilian.
Oh ... Leno!
No ... Cantano.
Let's change the subject. What is the equation?
is the art of riding a horse.
And riding?
It is when we pay our debts at all.
What is a turtle?
It is a kind of radioactive mineral.

Would not plutonium?
No, no ... this is the full name of Mickey's dog.
What is photosynthesis?
Technical name for a retratinho 3 x 4.
What is an ape?
A guy who was born in Simian.
In the Simian?! ... Come on. And what is the capital of Simian?
you got me this: do not remember now ...
Who was Pancho Villa?
Partner Don bin.
What is a warlord?
A that has little bone at the tip of the spine and, according to scientists,
proves that man had descended from monkeys, and tailed.
Where is the gallbladder?
Beneath the clavicle.
Where are the buttocks and are they for?
They are on the throat and serve to swallow.
Where is the spleen?
not spleen. It's arm. They are two and they are before hand.
What are fiber optics?
To move the eyes.
Where is the Bermuda Triangle?
Any seamstress knows: between the waistband and the hawk.
Who discovered the law of gravity?
A French gynecologist, Dr. Jeckyll.
Putz! Who was Socrates?
Socrates? He played in the selection and Atletico. You see? I also know
football .. 
is not to be Atletico Mineiro ingnorante I have to be!

Friendly in Africa

The St. Paul was called to make a friendly in Africa. Why?

A: Because the president wanted to show Africans that there was something worse than hunger.

Colorados 5

A gremista, a settler and a Colorado made ​​a bet. There was a very stinky goat, locked in a closet with a single hole for air intake. They bet on who would bear longer stay in the closet with the goat. The first was gremista. It was one o'clock, and left saying
I can not stand the smell of goat!
The settler was then. It was one, two, three, four hours, and left saying
I can not stand the smell of goat!

And so was the colorado. The expectation was great. The Colorado was one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight hours. The settler gremista and were frightened. They thought that the unfortunate had died. But soon they heard the noise of the door opening.
And then came the surprise. Leaves the goat, sweating desperate saying
- can not stand the smell of colorado!

The Collector of Corners

There was going to a football game and the player was getting ready to hit the corner. He pulled some five meters behind, then a very bad boy, placed a stone in place of the ball and the player did not see, he came and put his foot on the rock, fell on the floor rolling, rolling over with laughter, a guy on the edge field ask him?

Why are you laughing? You almost tore his foot off!
The player answers:
To laughing at the guy who made ​​the goal of head!

Brazilian Knack

Two very cute tourists landed at the airport Santos Dumond in Rio de Janeiro, just take a taxi to the hotel that would be along the trip, one was American and one French, both talk:
French:
you know dear fellow American, French knots are very smart so just take a month to build the Eiffel Tower.
American:
My dear friend is French, but we Americans are smarter, because we took two weeks to build the Statue of Liberty.

The Brazilian cabbie tired of hearing all this, is angry but says nothing.
Moving ahead Maracana both tourists marvel at such a monumental work and ask the taxi driver who was this monument ...
The taxi driver showing ignorance of the subject says:
ué! I know one morning when I was here in this ...!

Sunday Newspaper

Q: Why do not receive corinthianos Sunday newspaper?

A: Cause day is Saturday sorted.

The Swimming Champion

The boy was swimming in the beast, but the curious thing is that he had neither arms nor legs, flapping its huge ears swam in the water. His speed was amazing, knock the record (michael phelps) champion of the Olympics in 2008.
The Brazilian Olympic Committee, when they saw the boy swimming, breaking all records worldwide, decided to take - it to the Olympics representing Brazil.
When arrived in the Olympics the boy jumped into the water:
Tchbuummmm! And went straight to the bottom of the pool, starting to drown. Everyone started yelling and another swimmer could get - so the pool before he
died.

When the boy regained consciousness, he said irritably:
UUFAAA! Almost drowned! Who has put this toquinha plugging my ears!?

The Swedish

The Swedish-law turns to her mother:
If I died now you'd cry a lot?

Sure! You know it tears me up any crap!

About Golf

After several hours of the initial round of golf, Mr. Maurice appeared carrying the corpse of Mr. Stephen. The club secretary and was shocked:
It must have been a terrible experience for you!

Mr. Mauricio:The most difficult was having to load it and put it on the floor of the 3rd hole, where he died, until the 18th.

Truco 1

The boy kept screaming all the time:
Cock-Truco, truco fucking
wherever he went, at church, at school, at home, he kept:
truco thief, truco!! six, nine damn that
one day his mother decided to take him to the doctor because they did not know how to resolve that situation, it consultorio in the boy,
truco-fucking! truco, trucoooooooo!!
mother turned to the doctor and asked him to leave them alone for a moment, out of the room she could hear the screams:

truuuco, truuuco, six, nine, is dooooozzeee!
was then that the doctor opened the door and asked for the mother returned, she daring and curious question:
So Doctor what my son has??
the doctor:
in the minimum zap!!

Dog upon Post

What is the difference between the dog on top of the mast and Atletico Mineiro?

Nobody knows how it went, another day it will fall..!!!